tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
