he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
it glows. i had to have it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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