Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
