WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize