I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
