im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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