Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
