I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
