he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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