Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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