I feel great
I just peed on a car
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
