just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
