Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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