My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
