are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
