Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My apartment stinks of burning failure
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
