From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
