Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i came on her dog
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize