Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
its liver damage thursday
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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