I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize