so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
