And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
