whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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