why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
