why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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