I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
