My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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