So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
