so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
