I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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