my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
high people should be assigned attendants
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
