I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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