The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
