she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
