i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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