My brain says no but my pants say off.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
