I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
