I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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