D3 body, D1 cock
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
