I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize