my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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