i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
