she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
