So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
a search helicopter?!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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