I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
