Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
