Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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