Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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