i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
