STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
