3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
