If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
