part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
