He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So much Jack, so little girl.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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