lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
