This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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