Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize