I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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