Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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