in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize