I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
