her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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