Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
