know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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