Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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