You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
