dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
