i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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