Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
