yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
