I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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