What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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