Sponge bath it is.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
