The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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